


Careful Fear and Dead Devotion

by analytiic



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Karlnapity, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, also THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH, but i am going to break these boys, even with all the angst this is so tender, god i love writing injuries it lets me flex my medical/anatomy knowledge, hope y'all like sorrows cause i sure do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29287278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/analytiic/pseuds/analytiic
Summary: When L'Manberg blew up, Karl, Quackity, and Sapnap had to take care of each other in more ways than one.TW for injuries and blood, trauma. Individual, specific TWs before each chapter. NO smut (this is under the teen rating for language), just that good good angst.Major time/POV switches marked with "//" on its own line. Thoughts in italics.Based on their in-game characters. Canon-compliant as best I can. If any CCs are uncomfortable with works like this, I'll gladly take it down.(title + chapter titles are all lyrics from "Don't Swallow the Cap" by The National)
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Karlnapity - Relationship
Comments: 16
Kudos: 176





	1. Everything I Love Is On The Table...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Karl goes missing in L'Manberg after the explosion, his fiancés jump to save him. 
> 
> Sapnap-centric chapter; others might not be.
> 
> TW: injuries, blood, very light mentions of trauma and anxiety.

Just moments before Karl blacked out, the citizens of L’Manberg were making way for a new administration. Tubbo had been installed as their new president, and in the commotion, Wilbur had snuck away. Karl didn’t know this, though, not until long after. All he knew was that, in one moment, he was in the crowd of people watching Tubbo and Techno spar, and in the next… well, there wasn’t anything left. 

//

When he woke up, Karl quickly realized he was trapped. The first thing he felt was panic, then a deep pain throughout his body. He was on his back, and something heavy pinned him down. He tried to move, but it was fruitless. As he drifted in and out of lucidity, he focused loosely on his senses. He could hear his own shallow breaths, and the stirring of the wind around him. He missed his fiancés. The taste of metal filled his mouth. He slipped back into unconsciousness, finding it hard to resist.

//

Fear gnawed at Sapnap. It had been about an hour since the explosion, and Karl was nowhere to be seen. He and Quackity had fled once the withers had been killed, headed for the triage area that had been set up before the battle. He realized Karl wasn’t there, so he went all over the SMP, asking if anyone had seen the other man, but no one gave the answer he wanted to hear. Sapnap’s heart sank, knowing what came next. He’d been avoiding the ruins of L’Manberg on purpose, but it was clear that Karl was somewhere in the wreckage.

He returned to the triage building and set about putting his things together, cold and resolute. He told Quackity that Karl was still missing, and that he was going out on a rescue mission. The shorter man, who had been tending to his wounds, was poised to speak, but nothing came out. All he did was rummage around in a crate for a small box of bandages, which he tucked into Sapnap’s bag.

“You just never know, Sap. Hope you don’t need ‘em,” he muttered, pulling Sapnap into an embrace. While he was out looking for their fiancé, he knew Quackity would hold down the fort. He pulled away after a few moments with a tight-lipped smile, waved to the room at large, and headed out for what was left of L’Manberg.

He was alone for the first time that day. The air was still and warm, and Sapnap steeled himself for what he might see, arms crossed over his body to stay grounded. When he arrived on the scene, it was so much worse than anyone had thought, but he didn’t even stop to process the devastation all around him. He had to find Karl. The guilt of leaving him here was intense, but at least there was something he could do about it.

“Hey, Karl? Where’d you go? You still out here?” His voice was loud, desperate. He walked cautiously, trying not to disturb anything. _They’ll probably have a team come out and assess the damage, maybe take some pictures_ , he thought, silently pitying whoever gets chosen for that task. Massive piles of debris had replaced landmarks and buildings, and the smell of gunpowder still hung on the breeze.

“Jacobs?” Sapnap yelled, louder than before. He didn’t hear a response.

“KARL?” He was screaming now. 

A few yards ahead, something made a small noise, making Sapnap flinch. He inched closer, gripping his axe handle tightly, but he hoped not to use it. He couldn’t pinpoint where the noise was coming from, per se, but he could tell it was close by. Scanning the rubble around him, he noticed a flash of purple fabric under one of the piles of rock. _No._ The noise – no, the voice – rang out again.

“H-hello?”

Sapnap’s heart skipped a beat. _That’s Karl’s voice. He’s under there. He’s alive. He sounds terrified._ He rushed to where Karl was laying, but he couldn’t make himself look at the brunet’s face. He was certain, even without seeing Karl, that the bandages Quackity had given him weren’t going to be enough.

“Karl, honey? It’s me, it’s Sap. Can you hear me?” He took in a huge breath, trying to stifle a sob. He needed to keep his head. _Shit. Not like this. Not yet. Get him out first._

“Yeah,” the older boy whined.

“Shh, look, I’m gonna help you. Don’t move yet, though, just let me think.”

The biggest stone, sitting atop the pile, was what kept Karl in his position. It was huge, oblong, and rough on all sides, but the only thing about it that mattered was where it lay – across Karl’s stomach and legs. Sapnap wrung his hands, considering the best plan of attack. He placed both hands on the rock, standing at Karl’s left, and leaned against it, testing the weight. _Thing’s massive._

“Alright, uh, I need you to stay with me. I know the rock’s heavy, and you don’t feel good, but you just gotta hold on a little more, Karl.”

“Yeah, ‘m with you. Hurts,” he groaned. The pain in his voice cut straight through Sapnap’s heart.

“I know. I’m sorry. I know. You’re alright, Jacobs, breathe.” Panic gripped him and he knew he couldn’t waste any more time. Bracing his feet hard against the ground, he lined himself up with the rock again, and began pushing.

“Sap. Love you,” Karl whispered. Sapnap could’ve sworn that little phrase made him stronger. He finally let himself look down at his fiancé’s face, which was pale, streaked with tears, and bloody. _Bad idea._

“I love you,” Sapnap grit out, quickly averting his gaze. He felt the rock shift, and he pushed harder, hoping the momentum would carry it the rest of the way. After a few more moments of exertion, he let up on the stone and doubled over to catch his breath. Sweat beaded on his forehead, but he couldn’t get distracted yet. _Back to work_. Feet digging further into the dirt, he bore down on the rock again. He shut his eyes, hoping to divert all his energy and focus into getting the damned thing to move.

It worked, or it must have, because the rock began to tip over. Sapnap was still pushing, eyes still squeezed shut, arms still braced. A moment later, a loud thud broke his concentration – the stone was no longer on top of Karl, no longer on top of the pile of rubble around him. Sapnap grinned in triumph, but then remembered why he was really there.

“Are you – ah, shit, are you still with me, Karl?” Sapnap huffed, exhaustion settling into his joints. He dropped to his knees, reaching for his fiancé’s hand. Karl was softly smiling up at Sapnap, and he melted at the sight.

“’M here. Wanna get up.”

“Nah, you’ll faint. I don’t know how hurt you are, plus you’re pretty out of it.” He paused, thinking, and then continued, “I’m gonna carry you out of here.”

“’Kay.”

“Can you move your head at all?” Sapnap was pretty sure you weren’t supposed to move people with neck injuries, and he wasn’t going to risk hurting Karl any more than he’d already been hurt.

Karl nodded at him, so he reached underneath the taller boy’s shoulders, helping him lift his head off the ground, and pulled him close. Every move was slight, because he had no idea how extensive the injuries were going to be. Sapnap placed his other arm under Karl’s knees, making sure the boy in his arms was safe before standing up. Once he got to his feet, he placed a small kiss atop Karl’s head, earning him the softest smile.

The journey back to the triage area was silent, apart from Karl’s shallow breath and Sapnap’s footsteps, but it went by in a haze for both of them. Sapnap was deep in focus, trying with all his might not to drop the boy in his arms, and Karl was barely conscious. When they arrived at the small, brightly lit building, everyone rushed to meet them at the door. There were no political divides here, just a crowd of worried friends, all clamoring to take care of one another.

“Sapnap! We thought you’d never get back,” chided Tommy, who knew he would at least pretend to laugh.

“Aw, be nice! He probably feels shit, give him a break,” said Tubbo. Sapnap shot them both a glare, which only made them keel over laughing. _At least the mood’s a little lighter than when I left_ , he mused.

“I need to be able to see him,” he said, as he begrudgingly let Phil and Niki take the boy from his arms. Fear dripped from his voice, and Phil nodded, knowing that the two were nearly inseparable. While he didn’t want to let go of Karl, he couldn’t deny how sore his arms were. Grateful for the rest, Sapnap sat down on the edge of a cot nearby, sighing deeply. Tommy handed him a water bottle, tacitly apologizing for the ill-timed joke, and he downed the entire thing at once.

Quackity came over to hug Sapnap, who melted into the touch, relaxing for a second. Tears stung both of their eyes, relief finally seeping into their minds, but the moment was interrupted by Sapnap noticing how many of his friends had crowded around Karl. He slung his bag and jacket off, face hot with anger, and shot up from his seat. _What part of ‘I need to be able to see him’ don’t they understand?_

“No. Don’t touch him. I gotta do it,” he barked at the people standing around his fiancé. He felt his chest tighten. _Selfish, I know,_ he thought _, but there’s no way in hell anyone’s laying a finger on Karl._ He looked over at Phil, who had been overseeing the recovery efforts, hoping for a way to clear the room.

“Let him be, guys,” Phil implored, gesturing for the others to step back from Karl’s cot, then turned to Sapnap. “You did good, kid. You’re alright, you got this. Start with the big stuff and work from there. I’ll take over if you need a minute.” 

“Thanks, Phil. Really,” Sapnap said, his voice soft.

“You need me to go too? Or can I help?” Quackity asked. He had been gathering supplies and was arranging them on a table behind Sapnap.

“Yeah, Q. You stay,” Sapnap blurted, “I might need your help, too. Never got around to cleaning myself up.”

“Oh… oh, shit. You’re still bleeding, Sap,” Quackity said, concern twisting his face, and he reached out to wipe something away from the other boy’s cheek.

“Not yet. Karl first. He’s not doing so hot.” Both of them looked down at their fiancé, who had shut his eyes in the commotion. He was sheet-white, and his breaths were still shallow. Someone had pulled off the colorful sweatshirt he had worn that day ( _for good luck,_ he’d told his fiancés over breakfast) to get a better look at his injuries, so he was just wearing a grey t-shirt and the bottom half of his armor. He looked small, almost frail, lying prone on the cot.

“Right. Sorry,” said Quackity, shaking his head to dispel his thoughts. He then stepped away to soak a cloth in warm water, wrung it out, and used it to clean the dried blood from Karl’s face. Sapnap, on the other side of the cot, finally saw the open wound crossing Karl’s chest and left shoulder. He hadn’t noticed it before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first fic and i'm stoked! :] please leave criticism/ideas if you have them!
> 
> also karlnapity nation HOW YOU DOING
> 
> thank u thank u for reading!! <3


	2. ...Everything I Love Is Out To Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quackity and Sapnap tend to Karl, who got hurt worse than they expected. Sapnap can't let his guard down.
> 
> TW: blood + injuries; mentions of trauma, death, and addiction.

“Hey, whoa, new problem. Q, look at this.” Sapnap pointed at the laceration, still leaking a bit of blood onto Karl’s shirt. “Must’ve been hidden by his sweatshirt or something. Or I was freaking out too hard to notice it. I just checked him over for broken stuff.”

“And?"

“Nothing’s broken! Got that going for us!” This earned him a dry laugh from Quackity, who was getting pretty agitated.

“It looks awful, Sap. We might need Phil to spot us here –”

“I know how to do it,” Sapnap said. He was calm, but Quackity still jolted at the interruption. Schlatt still had a firm grasp on his psyche. Sapnap’s face colored with shame, remembering his fiancé’s fears. “Wait, shit. I’m sorry.”

“All, uh, good,” Quackity stammered, and Sapnap reached across Karl’s chest to steady him. He took the hand gratefully. His pupils were huge.

“Ducky, look at me? We’re gonna be alright. Breathe, nice and slow,” Sapnap soothed, hoping the shorter man would forgive the cheesy term of endearment. His face reddened, but he looked up at Sapnap anyway. “It’s all good, babe.”

“All good,” said Quackity. “Lemme help.”

“Come here and help me get the rest of his armor off. Shit’s uncomfortable.” They each grabbed one of Karl’s boots, pulling them off and chucking them on the floor. Sapnap unlatched the sides of his leg armor, allowing him to remove them with a sharp tug. Karl was wearing plain black pants and the most ridiculous spiral-patterned socks he owned. _Can’t believe this nerd. We’re going into battle and he puts on rainbow socks. I love him so much._

“Where do you need me, Sap?” Quackity asked. 

“I’m gonna have you grab stuff for me, okay?” Sapnap knew having a clear objective would make the other man feel more at ease. Quackity looked at him, hands ready. “I need a clean rag. He’s still bleeding pretty bad.”

Sapnap pulled his hand back and turned down to look at Karl’s shoulder more closely. _What kind of bastard lands a hit like this on Karl?_ _And wasn’t he wearing a chest plate? Could’ve sworn all of us were._ He tore the blood-soaked shirt open further, exposing the wound. It was thin and continuous. It started low on his sternum, crossed his chest, and terminated right at the peak of his shoulder. _Might be kind of cool-looking when it heals up._ Quackity handed him a folded piece of cloth, which he held over the laceration.

“Hey, Q, can you grab those scissors and get his shirt off while I do this? It’s wrecked anyway.”

Quackity sliced through the front of the shirt, then split both sleeves, allowing the shirt to pull away from Karl’s arms in one piece. He threw it aside with the other bloody rags. Karl stirred at this, moving for the first time in a good while. His face was pallid and contorted with pain. He tried to speak, frowning when words didn’t come out. Sapnap’s touch was firm, because he knew pressure was good for active bleeding, but the boy under his hands looked distraught.

“Karl, baby, I know it sucks. I know. I gotta get this to stop bleeding, honey, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Sapnap whispered, rambling to keep Karl distracted. It crushed him to think he might be hurting his fiancé. For the millionth time that day, tears formed in Sapnap’s eyes, but he scrunched his eyes shut to stop them. _Not yet. Keep it together. They need you in one piece right now._

Quackity, wanting to help, reached down to pick up Karl’s hand. He looped his hand around the pale wrist, feeling for a pulse, and when it registered under his fingertips, he flicked his eyes up to the clock on the wall. He counted the beats for one minute.

“A hundred and ten,” Quackity said. “Sap?”

“What’s up?” He paused, letting his hands still on Karl’s chest. “You’re doing great, Q.”

“No, ‘m not. His heart’s racing and, uh, I don’t know what to do,” he choked.

“Yes, you do. Look, I got the bleeding to stop. That’ll help. Then we’re gonna clean it, cover it, and move on, alright?” Quackity nodded.

“What can I do?”

“I need something to clean this out with. Don’t need him getting an infection.”

Quackity rustled some things around on the counter, then handed him a couple of cotton pads and a bottle of alcohol. Sapnap unscrewed the lid, doused one of the pads in the clear liquid, and winced as the smell hit his nose. His attention then flitted back to Karl. He worried the injured boy would hate him for what he was about to do.

“Hey, baby, can you wake up for me? I just need you for a second,” Sapnap asked. Karl groaned, blinking a few times at the brightness of the room, but eventually turned to look at Sapnap.

“Why ‘m I up?”

“You got this wicked gash on your shoulder, and I gotta clean it,” he said, and Karl’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I didn’t wanna startle you by just doing it.”

“Oh.” Karl softened at the sweet gesture. “Gonna hurt?”

“Kind of. It’s alcohol, so it’s gonna sting like hell, but it won’t hurt after that.”

Karl cringed at the thought of new pain shooting through his tired body.

“Deep breath in, Karl,” Sapnap said, his hand hovering about an inch from the older boy’s skin. When he had taken in a breath, Sapnap ran the soaked cloth over the wound. Karl howled as the stinging sensation took over his brain.

“That’s all, I’m done. I’m just cleaning around it now. Not gonna hurt anymore. I promise,” he soothed, wiping blood from Karl’s skin. Quackity hadn’t spoken in a few minutes, and Sapnap noticed he was holding Karl’s right hand in both of his. The smell of alcohol dredged up some intense feelings for him. Keeping watch over his battered fiancé didn’t help.

“I love you, Big Q,” Sapnap said, thinking he might need to hear something soft. He was right – Quackity’s face immediately lit up.

“I love you, Sap,” he responded.

“And we love you, Karl, baby.”

“Love you,” he murmured, and after a pause, “Want some water. Please.” Quackity got up, disappeared into the other room for a moment, and came back with ice-cold water. He held the bottle up to Karl’s mouth, but Karl only took a few little sips.

“C’mon, babe. You gotta get some fluid back in you,” said Quackity, feeling better now that he was busy.

“Dehydration’s a bitch,” Sapnap added, and with that, Karl drank a few more ounces of water. He looked miserable, which tugged at Sapnap’s heart. Quackity stood up again, ready to help.

“Alright, Q, I’m gonna need some tape and a bunch of that gauze stuff.” The shorter man sifted through the piles of stuff on the counter beside him, finding a bunch of clean gauze and some bright-blue tape.

Sapnap placed a few gauze pads on the wound. He overlapped the pads so that the entire thing was protected from outside air. Quackity had been cutting strips of tape from the roll, which Sapnap took and affixed to Karl’s skin. His hands were gentler than before, knowing his fiancé’s pain tolerance was wearing out.

“How’re you holding up?” Quackity asked, trying to get Sapnap out of his head.

“I’m fine,” Sapnap said, more tersely than he intended. “I want to get Karl all taken care of before you start worrying about me.”

“I’ve been worrying about you since you left for L’Manberg,” Quackity replied sternly. This made Sapnap look up, meeting Quackity’s dark eyes. He felt the familiar squeeze of his eyes welling up, but he still wasn’t ready to let go. “Worried sick, Sap.”

“Don’t fret over me, babe, alright? I’m all good, I swear.” It was like his confidence had never faltered.

“Liar.”

“What?”

“Liar,” Quackity repeated, voice cracking. “Sapnap, it’s all over your face. You’re not good. Spill it.”

“I’m not ready to talk about me yet.”

“I know you want to be the hero so badly, but you _can’t_. It’ll destroy you, and then I’ll have to tell Karl you fucking destroyed yourself. I’ll have to tell him it’s just me now, and then he’ll blame himself for it. You’re addicted to being the big tough guy. You can’t get enough. I watched Schlatt die because of his obsessions, Sapnap. I’m not doing that again. Not with you. You don’t get to do that to me.”

They were still for a few seconds, and Sapnap finally let himself cry. The tears were silent and dignified at first, but Quackity wrapped his arms around him, and all he could do was sob. They stood next to Karl’s cot, holding each other, until Sapnap’s breath steadied.

“I’m sorry for lashing out,” Quackity muttered into Sapnap’s shoulder. He pulled away from the taller man, just enough to meet his eyes. Both of them had been crying. “I know you’re not big on words, or feelings, or any of that stuff, but you gotta let me in at some point. We don’t have to do this now. Whenever you’re ready. Just let me in.”

“Me too,” Karl interrupted. 

“Yeah, Sap, both of us. We love you so much, and we want to be there for you.”

“I love you two,” Sapnap said, choking back another round of sobs. “So much. I promise I’ll talk when I’m ready. I’m just not there yet. It’s too much right now. Can we get back to work, though? Karl’s still a mess, and I can’t stand it.”

“You got it,” Quackity replied. “What can I do?”

“Can you help him sit up? I didn’t get a good look at his back when I was carrying him, and I don’t want him trying to force himself up and fainting on us.”

Karl sighed in indignation but decided it would hurt less to let his fiancés help him. While Sapnap took a long swig from the water bottle beside him, Quackity went and sat at Karl’s head. He reached one arm underneath his back, offering his other hand for the boy to take hold of, and pulled his upper body off the cot.

“Karl, babe, can you lift your arms up?” Sapnap asked, and when Karl tried, he grimaced. The pain was too much to push through. “I’m gonna take that as a no.”

“Hurts,” Karl said flatly.

Sapnap crossed to the other side of Karl’s cot, grabbing a clean washcloth and running it under the tap. He made sure it was warm, then sat down with it next to Quackity. With small, gentle strokes, he cleaned the dirt and blood from Karl’s back, hoping to get a better look at his skin. There were a couple red, irritated patches, but nothing serious. After his back was clean, Sapnap moved the cloth over his arms, halting when he saw a cluster of small scrapes.

“Aw, hang on,” he stalled, reaching for the alcohol again. “Gotta take care of a few little scuffs on your arm.”

Karl scowled at this, knowing he’d have to bear that horrible stinging feeling again.

“It won’t sting as badly this time, Karl, this one isn’t that bad. Promise,” Sapnap said, as if he were reading his fiancé’s mind. “I just don’t want you getting infected, alright?”

“Fine.” Karl’s patience was waning. Sapnap set down the bottle in his hands and reached over to cup Karl’s face.

“I know you feel shitty. I’m trying to help you feel less shitty, baby. I’m almost done.”

“I’m tired, Sap,” Karl replied. “I wanna sleep.”

“Can I at least make sure you don’t get some nasty disease first? Please?” Sapnap grinned, hoping he could win the other man over. He relented, and the grin dropped from Sapnap’s face, leaving a focused expression in its stead. “I’ll go fast.”

Sapnap soaked the corner of a new cloth with alcohol, then brushed it against Karl’s arm. He felt Karl tense up, then relax, as quickly as the burn of the alcohol came and went. Quackity passed him a fresh gauze pad, which he held against Karl’s forearm, and a roll of stretchy bandage. He yanked a long strip off the roll, placing one end on top of the pad and wrapping around the older boy’s arm until it was secure.

Satisfied with his work, Sapnap got up to track down a blanket. When he found one that felt like it would be warm enough, he brought it back, which finally earned him a smile from his tired fiancé. He unfolded the blanket and laid it on top of Karl’s legs, then helped him lay back down. Once Karl was comfortable, Sapnap leaned down to kiss his forehead. Before long, he was fast asleep.

Quackity’s attention turned to Sapnap, who stared out the window at the moon, deep in thought. He still hadn’t cleaned himself up after fleeing L’Manberg. Blood still streaked his face, and he was still dressed for battle.

“You’re staring at me, Q. What’s up?” His voice was barely a whisper, not wanting to wake Karl.

“Let me clean you up.”

“No. I got it under control.” Sapnap's voice was tense, bordering on angry.

“Babe. I thought you said you were going to let me in. You took care of Karl, why can’t I do that for you?”

“Karl was literally bleeding out. What else was I supposed to do?”

Quackity moved over to where his fiancé was standing and reached up to stroke his hair. 

“What the hell happened out there, Sapnap?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one HURT to write so i hope it's nice and painful for y'all! :]  
> also i've never written this much dialogue ever lol


	3. I'm Not Alone, I'll Never Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap loses control, then fights like hell to regain it. 
> 
> TW: injuries, panic attack (kind of), aggression/anger

“You saw everything I saw. You were right there in L’Manberg with me.”

“No. I need to know what happened when you went out to find Karl,” Quackity pleaded, carding a delicate hand through his fiancé’s hair, trying to bring him back to earth. Sapnap blanched. He couldn’t avoid this conversation forever.

“Can’t,” he said, rocking back on his heels, pulling away from Quackity. Terror glinted in his eyes. He was a wild animal, he’d been spooked, he was about to bolt. “Not yet.”

Quackity needed answers, but he didn’t think he would be getting them anytime soon. It tore him apart to see Sapnap this skittish and afraid. He wrapped his arms around him, hoping that touch would work better than words, and Sapnap allowed himself to be held, finally releasing some of the tension he’d been carrying in his body all day. Quackity pulled him close, resting his head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m not ready. It’s still so much,” Sapnap whispered, then, after a long pause, added, “Can you, uh, help me get cleaned up now? I forgot how bad it sucks being all bloody and gross.”

“Of course, babe,” Quackity said, swelling with love for the other. He let go of Sapnap, then leaned up to kiss the tip of his nose. He picked up Sapnap’s trembling hand in his own and led him to sit down on the edge of Karl’s cot.

Sapnap was exceptional at ignoring his pain. He prided himself on being able to push through almost anything. Even he had a limit, though, and that limit was fast approaching. All day, he had been too preoccupied to notice how hurt he was. First, it was adrenaline that protected him, then a sense of duty to his fiancés, and pure stubbornness after that, but now there was no barrier between him and his pain. His mind, uninhibited by rhyme or reason, finally forced him to feel everything at once.

After a traumatic event, it’s possible for someone not to feel any sort of pain for hours, or even days, even if they’ve been badly injured. It’s a defense mechanism, an evolutionary holdover that lets the body fight for much longer than it should be able to. Once the danger has passed, though, the brain allows the pain signals to flow unfiltered through the nervous system.

The brain, in no uncertain terms, is a tricky bitch. It does not hold back. It’s cold and it’s ruthless and _it keeps the goddamned score_.

The waves started in his chest and radiated outward until everything was underwater. His vision was going white. Hot, angry tears streaked his face, burning the whole way down his cheeks. Someone had grabbed him and was trying to get him to stand up, but he wasn’t budging. He resented the touch of his clothes and the hands on his arms. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t see. In the distance, someone was screaming, but he couldn’t assign a name to the voice ringing in his ears. He tried to make noise of his own, but nothing came out. The current was too strong.

He couldn’t make out what was real and what was a trick of the light, because his entire world had been submerged in pain. Massive sobs racked his body, doubling him over and making his breath come out ragged and uneven. The tide was still rising. He had forgotten how to swim, how to tread water. Under the surface, the shouts were quieter, but now there were two voices. He struggled against the pressure, which grew stronger as he descended, but eventually it became too much, even for him.

He let himself sink, sucking in salty water the whole way down.

//

When Sapnap came to, he could have convinced himself he was dead. He had no idea where he was, but it was so warm, and there was air in his lungs instead of brine. Seconds later, though, he recognized the searing pain that ripped through his body. _Not dead,_ he thought. He let out a wholly undignified groan.

Karl had been holding silent vigil over Sapnap for hours, perched in a chair next to his cot, watching the rise and fall of his chest. He was starting to get drowsy, but all of that went out the window when he realized his fiancé was stirring. This was everything he’d been pulling for. Karl leapt to his feet, considering his next few movements carefully.

“Sap, honey,” he cooed, “You’re alright, you’re alright. I’m right here.”

Karl wasn’t great with his own pain, but it was so much worse when he had to watch his fiancé struggle like this. He had never seen Sapnap look so uneasy. He just kept rambling, a flood of insubstantial words spilling from his mouth, hoping to reassure his boy.

“It’s okay. Just breathe, baby. In and out. That’s it.”

“Karl. Help,” Sapnap mumbled. He spoke through gritted teeth.

“I know, my love. I know it hurts. It’s gonna hurt for a while.”

Sapnap was so, so angry. He was embarrassed, really, but he’d call it anger to save face. He’d gotten hurt plenty of times before, but never so badly that it made him pass out, or that he couldn’t look after himself. He hated feeling helpless, hated needing to be taken care of, hated the fact that his fiancés would have to do _everything_ for him.

“How long?”

“Don’t know. But Quackity and I, we’re gonna take good care of you, alright?”

“No, I can do it.”

“Sap, you can’t do it this time, baby. You’re rocking with like, four broken ribs. And some other stuff, too, but that’s probably the worst.”

Frustration deepened the lines on Sapnap’s face. He quashed his urge to protest; even as strong-willed as he was, he knew it wasn’t worth the fight. Karl noticed this slight change in his demeanor and stooped down to place tiny kisses along his fiancé’s jaw. The attention made Sapnap shiver.

“You’re okay, Sap. You’re all good,” Karl said, standing back up. “Can I get you anything?”

“Home.”

“Yeah, we can go home. Let me get you up, first, and we’ll see if you can walk. You should be able to.”

Karl snaked one of his arms under Sapnap’s back, his hand pressed between his fiancé’s shoulder blades. He offered his other arm for Sapnap to grab onto and steady himself with, which he did eagerly. Karl pressed upwards, and after a few moments and a fair amount of effort, Sapnap was sitting up for the first time in days.

“Are you good, Sappy?”

“Yep. Little dizzy, but it’s fine.”

Karl helped him swing his legs off the cot so his feet could touch the ground. Sapnap let go of his fiancé’s arm and flung his hands down to the edge of the cot. Something in his stomach lurched – this was the exact position he was in right before he fainted. He took a few steady, slow breaths, attempting to still himself.

Sapnap looked plaintively up at Karl, who moved forward and grabbed onto his arms. In one smooth motion, Sapnap pushed himself up, relying on Karl to keep him from tipping over backwards. Once he was balanced, Karl wrapped his fiancé into a hug.

“How about now, baby? Still good?”

“Yep,” Sapnap said, grinning. “Take me home.”

“You got it.”

Karl let go of his fiancé for a moment. He picked his bag up from the floor and slung his jacket over his shoulders, then turned back to face Sapnap. The younger boy was still smiling, but Karl could tell he was in an obscene amount of pain. He reached out a hand, which Sapnap gladly accepted, and the two of them set off for their house.

//

The trip had gone by quickly and without incident, and Karl knocked sharply on their front door. Within seconds, Quackity flung the door open, his face brightening when he saw his fiancés. He ushered them into the house, kissing them both on the cheek as they passed him. 

Karl led Sapnap to sit down on one of the stools in their kitchen, and Quackity poured him a tall glass of water. Sapnap was about to chug the whole thing at once, but the breath he took in preparation was too deep, making him aware of the tightness in his chest. He slammed the glass back down on the counter, hands trembling.

“Babe, this is gonna suck for a while,” Quackity said, noticing the sour expression on his fiancé’s face. “Don’t push it too hard. You gotta just relax, alright?”

Sapnap sighed. 

“I wanna take a bath,” Sapnap muttered, then paused to swallow his pride at the thought of needing his fiancés’ help with something so easy. “Can you two help me? Please? I don’t think I can do it by myself.”

“We weren’t going to let you,” Quackity replied.

With that, the three of them stood up and went to their shared room, which had the nicest, most spacious bathroom in the house. Karl rifled through their closet, finding clean clothes for Sapnap, and Quackity started the bath. He turned on the water, making sure it was hot, then plugged the drain.

He opened a bottle of soap that had been sitting on the counter nearby, flipped it over, and poured some into the water. Large clouds of bubbles began to form. He then turned to help Sapnap undress, his touch light against his fiancé’s sore body.

Karl brought in warm clothes and a few fluffy towels, which he placed on the counter. He and Quackity helped lower their fiancé into the bath, situating him against the back wall of the tub so he could rest. He winced as the water came into contact with the abrasions that littered his skin, but he soon adjusted, smiling weakly at his fiancés.

“There you go, babe,” Quackity whispered, kneeling next to the tub. He smiled as Sapnap relaxed, a soft sigh passing his lips. He motioned for Karl to sit next to him on the bathroom floor, and he began rubbing little circles on Karl’s back, which the latter leaned into. After a few moments of cozy silence, Karl stood up to grab a washcloth from the pile of linens he’d brought, and he dipped it in the water.

He washed Sapnap’s upper body with the wet, soapy towel, careful not to press too hard on his broken ribs. Once he was satisfied with his work, he wrung out the cloth and dropped it on the tiles underfoot. Quackity noticed Sapnap wasn’t speaking, or even moving very much, and shuffled over to hold his hand.

“You good, babe?”

“’M fine. Just a lot right now,” Sapnap said. Tears pricked at his eyes. He wasn’t accustomed to being doted on this affectionately. Normally, he was the one doing sweet things for his fiancés; he loved to see their reactions to his gestures, he loved when they’d melt in his arms. It’s not that he didn’t like being paid attention to, but he was so much more comfortable on the other end of this arrangement. 

“Sappy, can I wash your hair for you?” Karl was crouching next to the tub again. He was overcome with love for the boy in front of him, who was staring at him through tears, surprise painted across his face.

“Y-yeah,” Sapnap stammered. “No one’s, uh, ever… done that for me.”

With that, Sapnap let himself sink further down in the tub, wetting his hair and letting himself soak for a moment. _Underwater_ , he thought, _but it’s okay. This is different. I’m not going to drown this time._

Quackity stood up to rummage around the counter for a bottle of shampoo. He set it down on the side of the tub, then he and Karl helped Sapnap sit back up. Once he was upright, Sapnap pushed his wet hair out of his face and smiled. His eyes were still watery from all of the affection he’d received, but he knew these were good tears.

He watched as Karl squeezed a little bit of soap from the bottle, then reached over to work it into his hair. The second he felt Karl touch him, he felt his entire body seize. _This is so, so good. I could stay here forever._

Karl was so, so gentle as he raked through Sapnap’s hair. He worked the soap into a thick lather, massaging the younger boy’s head with the very tips of his fingers. Careful not to tug too hard, he brushed through his fiancé’s wild curls, deftly untangling the little knots that had formed in his locks.

Tears flowed freely from Sapnap’s eyes now, and Quackity cupped his face in both hands to wipe them away. He kissed him softly, not wanting to overwhelm him further, and smiled as he pulled back. Without taking his hands off Sapnap’s cheeks, he admired Karl as he worked, savoring this moment of sweetness between his boys. 

Once Karl was satisfied, he cupped his hands and scooped up some of the bathwater, then poured it out over Sapnap’s hair. He rinsed out all of the soap this way, despite it taking longer than just having Sapnap lean back into the water again. When the last little bubbles had been rinsed out, Karl looked down at Sapnap.

“You wanna get out?”

Sapnap hummed in affirmation, so Karl and Quackity held his arms and helped him stand up. Quackity let go of him and stepped away to grab a towel, which he wrapped loosely around himself. He sat down on the edge of the tub, weeping silently, and his fiancés sat down next to him.

“It’s okay, Sap, we’re right here,” Quackity said. He traced little shapes into Sapnap’s back. “You’re alright. Let it all out.”

Karl had picked up the other towel from the counter, and began drying Sapnap’s hair with it, gently scrunching the water out of the ends. They sat like this for a few minutes, none of them wanting to break contact with the other two. When he was more or less dry, though, Sapnap stood up and wandered over to where his clothes sat on the counter.

For the first time since the accident, Sapnap caught sight of himself in the mirror. Deep purple bruises had formed around his ribs, emphasizing the broken bones in his chest, darkening his intercostal spaces. His right shoulder also bore a fair amount of bruising, which he couldn’t match up to any specific event. He noticed a tidy row of sutures in his face, which crossed his temple and split his otherwise-dense eyebrow.

His skin was splotched with red, angry scuffs, but none of them were very bad; it was more an annoyance than a genuine issue. He could deal with irritated skin, he could deal with the split in his forehead, but he was so sore, and his chest ached like nothing he’d ever felt before. He balled his hands into tight fists and slammed them down onto the counter.

“Easy, killer,” Quackity soothed. He moved in between Sapnap and the mirror, intercepting his angry gaze. “We’re gonna get you through this.”

Sapnap didn’t release his fists, but he dragged them off the counter, letting them fall to his sides.

“No. I can’t do this shit,” Sapnap snarled. “Can’t do it. I’m just gonna go to bed. I’m not dealing with this right now, and I’m sure as hell not gonna make you two chase me around like a little kid.”

His fiancés didn’t say anything more to him, but Quackity did try to help him get dressed before he stormed out of the bathroom. He walked over to sit down on the edge of their shared bed, furthest from the door, and put his head in his hands. After a few moments of stillness, he flopped backwards, splaying out his limbs like a starfish. He stared up at the ceiling and sighed deeply.

Quackity motioned for Karl to follow him, one finger pressed to his lips, and turned all of the lights out as they left. Out in the living room, neither of them knew what to do with themselves. The gravity of Sapnap’s outburst was becoming more apparent by the minute.

While Sapnap recovered, the two of them hardly spent any time together. Karl had the day shift at his bedside, and Quackity stayed with him at night. This way, they agreed, Sapnap would wake up to one of his fiancés, and come home to the other. For three days, they switched off like this. Some of their friends offered to take over for a while, but they always refused. They were insistent that it had to be one of them that got to him first, even if it meant depriving themselves of the other.

“Come here, Q,” Karl said, sinking into the couch, and Quackity obliged. The two of them stayed like this for a long time before either one said anything.

“Karl, baby,” Quackity mused, “he’s gonna come outta that bedroom later, yeah? And he’s gonna come talk to us, and he’ll say he’s sorry, and everything’s gonna be cool…”

He trailed off, not convinced of his own words.

“Yeah. I think so. He, uh, just needs some space. Just needs to be alone. It’s a lot for him to process right now.”

Eventually, the two of them fell asleep. Karl’s head was resting on top of Quackity’s, and their hands were interlaced. A few hours later, though, a piercing shriek rang out through the house. Karl shot awake, trying not to disturb Quackity as he jumped to his feet, and realized where the scream was coming from. His blood ran cold at the thought, at the implications, at the millions of possible reasons why someone would be screaming at – he checked the clock – four in the morning.

_Sapnap._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't yell at me i'm sorry it's been a long time since ch 2 :[
> 
> oh man oh man oh man. sap's drowning/panic scene is my favorite part + the psychological basis for it is sound and AH i just. i hope y'all love this like i love this


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